| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|03:14 am] |
from a couple days ago, a snapshot after work.
1.
( a whole buncha crap photos:] )
oh yah guys, the new comm is close to being done, so look for me promoting, to you all,a whole lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2006|01:35 am] |
:D
ima start a new community
i need someone to help.
probally just one someone
if you wanna help fill this out
name:
age:
why you'd want to help:
what could you do to help:
WHY DO YOU LOVE ME?!:
(just added this)
couldja create a very decent looking info for me?
(i could make up the rules and blah blah
but graphics to make it look good)
&what is an extra idea you have for helping&making this comm? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|07:53 am] |
so the kid i like, dan, is flirting with me a lot.
it is cute, he has pretty blue eyes
then peter, and jamie and katie are becoming greatgreat friends of mine.
school is getting so much better!
i'm only not passing gym.
FRIDAY
i was ready for a quiet, fattening night
when i ran into ashley, lexi and britt at giant eagle
awe i missed ashley so bad
so i went to her house
we walked to scott's, and all hung with him in his basement
went outside and smoked
(so i haven't smoked in like a month or two
haven't been able to get cigarettes
but man i'm so happy brenden said come to him anytime i need em
cos they calm me down
keep me sane
and give me my self confidence again)
dyed britt's hair
smoked, 2hit and pass haha gangster way i tell you.
brenden came over
we dyed his hair
we smoked
SATURDAY
woke at 8
at 9 had to be at my church with julie, and the youth group
we all cleaned the church thenn
julie, me,hannah, nathan(youth pastor), serena(youth pastors wife), smitty, craig, little gohn, nate went...BOWLING.
and serena's daughter is adorable
anyways
then when i was going home my dads all
rachelle called
so i called her, and smoked.
we hung out!!!!
yay
umm went to long john silvers with my dad to order food, me and rachelle were yelling the whole time
HELPPPP HES CRAZY HELPPP
and got lots of looks
so me and her just chilled at home
TODAY
nothing:]
no homework
no plans
82 movies to choose from.
fat foods.
i'm really happy
tomorrow nothing
butttt
tuesday
AJUDICATION FOR CHORUS.
so important!!!!
so that's tuesday, i'm nervous.
haha
but then, in like a month.
TO CHICAGO FOR CHORUS:]
um and yesterday
meggie said how cool it is that she will be able to tell her kids
that she never tried drugs
i cant do that.
i already feel like a horrible parent.
and i cant even tell them not too
i'll be such a hypocrite.
i hate it.
me.
i already feel bad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|03:23 pm] |
is it possible to be too loving?
too caring?
too nice? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|06:07 am] |
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i'm terrified of life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|08:41 am] |
i'm not sure
not sure about friends
i don't know if my friends, any of them
truly like me right now
gah
i am not sure if they enjoy me
really.
i'm just not sure
i just don't know what to do
Edit:They say they do, but don't show it.
do they think im completly annoying?
i feel like im annoying.
i'm not sure;/
i can't even tell them
i'm not good with confrontation
oh nonono |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|07:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
i fail a lot of things in school.
i have bad knees.
i get acne.
i have no idea where my life is going.
i snort.
i can't type.
i cant sing.
i have no strength.
i cant play any instruments.
im usually confused.
i eat nothing healthy.
i can't be mean/stand up for myself.
i laugh too much over nothing.
my rooms always messy.
i'm extremely lazy.
im a jealous person.
i dont do anything right.
but;;
i will try my hardest to make your world go round.
http://www.myspace.com/supbeatbox
add me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|12:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
ima jsut say idk
cos idk anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|07:30 pm] |
really long story.
but please read
i found this story in a firneds journal.
it's really sad.
I can't really say when I first figured out that I was gay. I've always known that I was just a little different from most other kids. I never really seemed to act like a girl, and most of my childhood friends were boys who played with toy cars and guns, and GI Joe. I never had a problem playing with boys. I understood them. I was a major tomboy!! I was labeled a "tough girl" when I was twelve, thirteen, and fourteen. I played a lot of sports - soccer, rugby, basketball, tennis, and softball. I kept to myself and I never let anyone touch me, especially boys. I wasn't afraid to knock some boy's head off if he touched me or one of my female friends.
I wanted to protect my friends. I couldn't understand why they wanted a boyfriend when I was there. I often imagined holding their hands and being close to them in some special way. That scared me. I liked them the way they seemed to like boys. I was sure that something was very wrong with me. I wasn't afraid of boys, but I was scared out of my mind when it came to girls.
At age fourteen, I went into deep hiding. I didn't know what the closet was at the time, but when I found it, I went deep inside and locked the door behind me. I hid what I felt from the world, because I knew people would think that I was sick and that I needed help. SHAME. FAILURE. These words passed through my head every day ... along with others that weren't so pleasant. I thought that it might be a strange phase. I didn't have a word for the way I felt. "Different" wasn't good enough for me. I felt like I was the only person in the world who ever thought of being with someone of the same sex. I thought it was wrong to imagine myself with a friend in intimate situations. It made me a "pervert" in society's eyes. I was angry that I turned out this way. I knew my feelings weren't normal. I was very afraid. I kept hoping that I would wake up one day and be boy-crazy. It never happened.
When I finally figured out what gay was, and that there was no way out of it, I cried. I saw myself as this terrible thing that nobody would ever like. Nothing has ever made me hate myself as much as being gay. I went through a time when I thought suicide was the only thing that would help.
I'll be honest. I live in a small town. In Kansas, coming out is like committing suicide. So I tried to go out with guys. It didn't seem to work, though. People still thought I was gay. I got beaten up at school, and they trashed my locker. There was nothing I could do.
Then I fell in love with my best friend. I tried to tell her about it one night. I guess that was a mistake. I lost that friendship ... and many others. At school the next day, she made it seem like I had attacked her in her bedroom.
I want to know why people hate lesbians and gay men so much. No mater where you go, you'll find a bigot. I've tried very hard, but it's hard to be nice to people who call you "queer" or "dyke." It really hurts. I don't see why everyone thinks that gay people are perverts.
I went to the library to get some books on homosexuality and lesbianism. Talk about a major hassle. I couldn't find the books on the shelves. I had to go to the front desk and ask someone to get the book for me, because they hide books like that behind their front desk in a little room. I asked her why the books were hidden, and she gave me this lecture about why books on homosexuality had to be out of sight. She spoke in a loud voice and stressed the word "homosexuality." Of course people heard. I tried to check out One Teenager In Ten, but the librarian gave me such a hard time and asked so many questions that I finally gave up on trying to get the book. She seemed very pleased to have won that battle. When I left the library she gave me a really dirty look. So now, every time I'm there, I return the favor.
I came out to my family ... but not on purpose. My mom was snooping around my room and found a letter that was written by a close female friend. The letter was sweet; she had used my pet nickname and there were hints that we were romantically involved. (We weren't.) All hell broke loose. My father had always said that no queer would live in his house. He calls anyone who's different a faggot. He couldn't believe that his only daughter was a dyke. That's how he saw me; a dyke.
My mother freaked. She said that it had to be some kind of a phase. She told me it would pass soon enough. I wanted to believe her, but I knew better. When it didn't go away like she hoped, my mother got really depressed and blamed herself on making me this way. She had known that I wasn't a person who liked being touched - but now I was saying I was gay. She took me to a psychiatrist and prayed for the best. She wanted the doctor to "fix" me.
My father doesn't really have much to say to me. When I'm around, he always gets in a good gay joke or two just for laughs. He puts dykes down the most. He thinks they're just trying to prove a point and says they do "God-awful" things to each other. I am no longer my father's little girl. I honestly believe that I am nothing to him. I never knew that I could feel this alone inside.
I've lost the support of my family and my friends. I can try hard to make new friends, but my family is lost. Coming out didn't feel like a good move. In fact, it felt like the worst thing I could have done.
I can't wait to graduate and get out of this town. I just want to lead a normal life with someone I care about who truly cares about me. I've felt a lot of hate coming toward me, and it's gotten harder and harder to trust anyone. I need to know there is hope; maybe being gay won't always be considered a terrible thing.
I'm sixteen now, and something happened recently that proved to me I'm gay. I stayed at an older girl's house for the night. I think she knew I was gay; I think that's why she invited me over. We were talking, and I told her about the time I got beaten up at school, and she began to cry. So did I. I never let anyone touch me, but it felt right when she pulled me close to her and held me. When she hugged me, I knew it was okay. She looked me in the eyes and told me to never be ashamed of who I was. Then she squeezed me in her arms and kissed me. I know for sure now that I'm gay ... and I always will be. She held my hand and talked with me all night.
I now have three other friends who think being gay is fine. They even ask questions so they can understand me a little better. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself now. It's not the end of the world; for some, coming to understand that you are gay is just the beginning. It's good to know that some gay teens do get the support of their family and friends. I know a lot of them end up where I am or worse.
Editor's note: Elizabeth's mother informed me that Elizabeth attempted suicide not long after this story was written. She was hospitalized for six months; the diagnosis was schizophrenia. Her mother also let me know that during that time, both she and her husband went to therapy with their daughter and came to terms with her homosexuality. Shortly after her release from the hospital, Elizabeth killed herself by taking an overdose of her own prescription medicine.
Two Teenagers In 20.
so.
that is really sad.
ye si am against gay stuff
but i don't hate gay people
i love them just like all people
(well if thier my frined,s i dont go around just loving people haha)
they have a personality just like everyone else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|04:44 pm] |
WOO GUYS
LAST NIGHT WAS SO GREAT
I GOT SOOO WASTED!
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HALF OF WHAT HAPPENED!
WOO I ROCK!!!
or not hahahahaha
i might be like the only one who doesnt drink
so like when it turned we ran otuside and did fireworks
i only got one pic:[
than i took poics&pics:D
sooooo
ENJOY
one.
fireworks:D
two.
three.
four.
five.
six.
seven.
eight.
nine.
ten.
eleven.
twelve.
(these high numbers are hard to spell)
okay soo, since you always see pics of me
i wante dyou to see pics of around me
so heres my room
it's really messy
so sorry :X
i wa slaying down in my bed, so caopy
thirteen.
inside wall of canopy
fourteen.
back of door
fifteen.
DIRTY DIRTY FLOOR
sixteen.
MORE DIRTINESS
seventeen.
DIRTY CLOSET
eighteen
dirty comp stand
and yes that is a charlie&the chocolete poster, i saw that movie in theaters 5 times.
nineteen.
bed
twenty.
ouside of doorness
twentyone.
door.
twentytwo.
dressr/mirror
twentythree.
twentyfour.
THAT'S MY BABEH.
her name is nibbles
shes an australian shepard
and i love her.
k bye ya'll
WHATS YER FAVYS. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|03:23 pm] |
another night i staye dup till like 4am
so i took pics ahaha
now i dont look my best at 4am
so sorry ahah
oo1.
oo2.
oo3.
oo4.
oo5.
ANY FAVYS?
well enjoy |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|03:09 pm] |
gocrazy krystal: meggie
gocrazy krystal: ugh omgsh
meggies so boss: krystal honey
gocrazy krystal: the worst thing in the world just happened
meggies so boss: what
gocrazy krystal: so k im in my room
gocrazy krystal: sitting on my floor
gocrazy krystal: putting on my mascara
meggies so boss: mhm mhmh
gocrazy krystal: and from under my bed A SPIDER
gocrazy krystal: okay dark&spiders, my biggest fears k
gocrazy krystal: and i heard that white spiders are less harmful, but to me, thier the scariest
gocrazy krystal: they look so scary
gocrazy krystal: i have nightmares about them
gocrazy krystal: and so okay it stops and sit there
gocrazy krystal: and usually im toos cared to kill them, but i ask nick to, and hes all"do it yourself
gocrazy krystal: "
gocrazy krystal: so i jam my jewlery box on it
gocrazy krystal: 2 mins later, i pick it up and check AND IT MOVES!LIKE CRAWLS AROUND!I DIDNT KILL IT
gocrazy krystal: so i jam my jewlery box back on
gocrazy krystal: crawl on my bed and cry haha
gocrazy krystal: when i say its a fea,r im not jokijng around so imc rying, nick wont help
meggies so boss: gah
meggies so boss: if i was there
meggies so boss: i'd kill it good
gocrazy krystal: and i sit there for like 7 mins, trying tot alk myself up to get engouh courage
gocrazy krystal: and im all, im bigger than it i can go this, thna im all, no i cant and cry again
gocrazy krystal: than i get up take off the jewlery box, it crawls out real fats i yell this whole time, and i slam it down like, 30 times seriously, its still nto moving, but imm still BANG BANG BANG
gocrazy krystal: and i kille dit, its still up ther,e on my floor, under my jewlery box
gocrazy krystal: i probaly wont go in my room for a long while now.
gocrazy krystal: omgsh meggie:[
gocrazy krystal: im so scared right now
gocrazy krystal: its os sad.lol
meggies so boss: :-(
gocrazy krystal: my dads proud of me
gocrazy krystal: :D' |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|01:34 pm] |
STORY TIME:
okay, so i wake up at 11 13, my bros int he shower, so i go back to bed
11 40, no one sint he shower, so i got in the shower
k nice shower doo doo
after 5 minutes, hmm waters getting a lil colder
oh well, hafta finish my shower, so i put shampoo in my hair
another minute, THE WATERS FREEZING!
ALEX AND NATE USED ASLL THE HOT WATER
i turn it off, get out,yes with shampoo in my hair still:[
get dressed, call my dad and complain, haha
wait 10 minute sso the water can heat up a tiny bit
and finish my hair in the sink:[
than i contemplaited killling my bro
i got out the sprite
put it down &snezed, than i was all.I SHOULD HAVE SNEEZED ON THE BOTTLE
S WHEN MY BRO GOE STO USE IT!HE GETS A COLD AND DIES!
ahaha k anyways, thats my story
OH&SOME PICS FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
oo1.
oo2.
oo3.
oo4.
oo5.
oo6.
oo7.
 |
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